So it's been 4 days since I have left Facebook and all of my " Facebook friends." I have few people in my circle anymore. They include: Kasey G., Nicole P., Tiffany P., Tiffany S., Ryan J., Alexis D., Stephanie S., Andiee N., Anthony O., Brandy H., Jenn G., Josh M., Kara M., Kenny H., Eric P., Tanita S., Becky P.,... Well that's about it. Out of all of these people though, there is 3 that I speak with on a daily basis, one being my mom. About half of them live so far away it's nearly impossible to see them. The other half, well, I guess life keeps us apart. I need more friends! Ones I can get out of the house with. Isaac also needs friends to go out and play with!
In other news, I made a decision today. I decided to change my phone plan to a cheaper one with no internet. I have found myself constantly clicking the internet button and googling random stuff when I could be using that time elsewhere. I mean I have a computer at home, I don't need to be browsing while I am out too. I think this will help me to be more social. I will be able to call and text, the basics :)
Yesterday was nice. I put Isaac in his stroller and we walked to chuck E cheese and Denny's for some mommy baby time. We stopped in the empty mall parking lot on the way home and ran around. It was fun! We will be going out more often like that. When I find a job it will be a little trickier but mama will make it happen! Outside is healthy, outside is active, and outside is fun!
Well, until next time!
Monday, December 16, 2013
Saturday, December 14, 2013
Breathe in, breathe out (sigh)
I found that making a list of plans and actually going through with them is hard. It's ridiculous how bad I want to go back to Facebook. I will not do it though. I really need to get more creative with my thinking! I feel friendless, except for my few good friends who I have texted with today. I went to one's house today to babysit while she killed her chickens to prepare a feast. Don't ask me why I looked in the pot when she brought it in the house.. Ick! I'm sure I would eat it, but like fish, I don't want to touch it or look at it lol. I can't wait for the bonfire tonight with my friend Ryan, sadly he is moving when the weekend is over so this is our last time to chill for a little while. Yay for face time right! :D. I do wish my other friends would contact me, maybe they weren't really friends, maybe today was just busy, or maybe ..well idk another one, that's where my thoughts stopped haha. I tell you though, I am one lonely girl right now. Facebook gives you something to do when you think there is nothing to do. Well I realize now that Facebook is just another nothing that I was doing. Hmmph!!!
Well I was a little productive today. I took my son for a 30 minute walk twice, to go to and from that babysitting duty I was just speaking about. I ate a bag of chips along the way too haha so it didn't help burn many calories I am sure! Tomorrow I should be going out to meet a new friend. We will see if they bail though. You would be surprised at how often that happens! Come on people, I want to NOT be alone, and when you bail on me, I waited for no reason and could have made other plans! I feel the depression slowly creeping towards me so I am trying to nip it in the butt before it goes full force. Ideas... anyone?
Well I was a little productive today. I took my son for a 30 minute walk twice, to go to and from that babysitting duty I was just speaking about. I ate a bag of chips along the way too haha so it didn't help burn many calories I am sure! Tomorrow I should be going out to meet a new friend. We will see if they bail though. You would be surprised at how often that happens! Come on people, I want to NOT be alone, and when you bail on me, I waited for no reason and could have made other plans! I feel the depression slowly creeping towards me so I am trying to nip it in the butt before it goes full force. Ideas... anyone?
Friday, December 13, 2013
What do I do now?
First thing in the morning I usually check Facebook, but not today! I am feeling good about this, not completely, but better than yesterday and that is a good sign! I don't know what to do with this free time now, so I feel I should compile a list of what I want to do with my time now. Things that I was slacking on because I spent so much time on Facebook. Yes, that is a good idea. So here goes...
- Laundry- Yep, I have a big ol' pile of laundry that I started, but never finished because of that grand distraction!
- Morning shower- You read that right! I haven't had a shower in the morning for ages. I have been taking a shower at night before bed, sometimes... Sadly a lot of the time I pass out at 1am after being hypnotized by Facebook and am too tired to do anything else. I know that comes with being a single mom, showers are a luxury, but I know lack of Facebook with mean gain of ME time.
- Music- I used to write music. The last song I wrote was in 2011 for my friends memory. This wasn't due to Facebook, maybe it was writers block. But now my mind is going to be more open to my own thoughts! Maybe I will reteach myself the forgotten tunes of my guitar. The poor gal has been sitting in the corner for a long time other than when my musically inclined friends come to town and ask to play.
- Walks- My son loves to go for a stroll. I do too. Facebook made me forget how good a breath of fresh air makes me feel. I think I am going to get back to my daily stroll routine.
- Books- I feel so sad that I have only read to my son a few times. I haven't read a book to myself in who knows how long.
- Friends- I want to go visit friends. Facebook has made my socially awkwardness worse. Time to get back in the world. I need some face time!
- Take charge of my health- Exercise and smart eating can and will be put to the side if you are addicted to Facebook. I want to get healthy again.
Thursday, December 12, 2013
Facing the facts
So, my name is Ashley and am a single mother of a little boy named Isaac. He is 1 year old and the light of my life! Now, I have never written a blog before, nor have I ever thought that I would be dealing with an addiction... So here goes! I am 23 years old and I have had a Facebook since I was about 15. I am going to be blogging to keep my mind off of logging into Facebook! Maybe my blog will help someone, maybe it will never bee seen by anyone. Either way, I am ok with that. I deleted my Facebook at 11am today. It's 9:15pm! Let me tell you, these past ten hours have been full of anxiety, boredom, being antsy, pacing steps, and clicking in and out of internet only to realize Facebook is no longer there. I am not very good at committing to things, but when it comes to something serious, I put my mind into it, and I do it!
I am beginning this journey alone, all of my friends were sad to see me leave the social network, but I hope to end this journey with some company, some followers, something new.
Facebook addiction is a real thing! It may seem silly to you but for me, it is a major struggle!
I think the true addiction began when I stopped working and got married after becoming pregnant. Now, I just had to sit here and think for a minute to come up with that... You see, I worked a lot before I got pregnant. My last actual job was as an overnight stock person at BJ's wholesale club! I knew I was wearing myself thin at that job BUT usually I can push through that. Not this time. This time, I was falling asleep at work. I was falling asleep while stocking the shelves!! I don't ever remember being so fatigued in my life, I could barely keep my eyes opened a any time! Turns out, that was my first sign of pregnancy. A pregnancy, doctors told me would never happen due to scar tissue from problems in my childhood, so it really never crossed my mind. The only reason I took a test was because of the brand new box of tampons staring at me in my room from the month prior, and my small amount of hope that I never could figure out why it had lingered. Make sense? Sooo.. I quit my job because I knew I could not keep up there any longer. I ended up trying to work for McDonalds (what was I thinking? I wasn't lol). I think that lasted a couple weeks? It ended in a emotional breakdown in the bathroom and a falling out with a bitchy manager who was trying to screw me around about picking up my paycheck.
After that, the only job I could handle any longer was my weekend church nursery job (lots of time to be on Facebook now!). I worked there until 3 days before I gave birth to my son. He is 14 months old now and I have been a stay at home mom. I was with someone from 6 months pregnant to my son's 8 month of life mark. Married and everything, but it didn't work out. I ended up leaving my husband because he was unfaithful and I packed my bags and moved to Washington state, of all places, to start over. That my friends.. is a whole nother story. But while I was up there, I got on cash assistance and planned to have a good job by my sons first birthday. Well I moved back to Florida before that day, switched my cash assistance over, and started doing community service. I told myself I could do this, I could be a single mom, and I did it, I am still doing it!
Back to the topic... I used Facebook to connect with other moms during my pregnancy. I used it to make friends, and learn about what is going on inside me, and what will be going on when he was born. I also used it to have socialization while my husband was at work, school, or home ignoring me (after a while). That's also another story. I had stopped talking to not so positive influential "friends" I had in my life. I decided it would be better for my child if I didn't socialize with people who were wasting their lives doing drugs and partying. It would be better for me too because I was in that crowd before, my son saved me from that life.
So Facebooking became my life. I took care of my son and talked to people online, isolating myself from the world. Here is where the problem began.
People need interaction, face time, not brain mushing computer time. I don't think anyone realized just how much time I spent on Facebook up to today. How long has it been since I have hung out with friends who live close to me? How long had it been since I hung out with them and was NOT also on my phone checking Facebook during conversations or awkward silences? Truth is, I can't even remember. How bad of a sign is that?
The truth might hurt! But it is still the truth
This one is the hard part....
So a couple of days ago, I finally admitted to myself that I have a problem... I realized that I am not spending as much time with my son as I should be. I realized that it had been ages since I had gone outside for more than a half hour in a day so that my son could play in the sun and get dirty. I am pale, cranky, and tired all the time. I am lazy, stuck at a heavy for me weight of 168lbs. Just 6 pounds shy of my weight the day I gave birth! That was the heaviest I had ever been, both before having a baby and also being pregnant. I was 135 pounds and a size 6 (for two whole weeks) before I got pregnant. Well that diet was working till a fetus came in to play ;) All I was doing on Facebook was reading about other people's lives, helping other moms with information that I was knowledgeable about. I wasn't doing much living of my own life though! So I made a post to my friends letting them know that I would be deleting my account. I think I am the only person I know now who doesn't have an account, it makes me wonder how many others are addicted but don't know it yet. I told them that in a couple of days I would be deleting my account and in the meantime I would be giving those who want it, my info, to keep in touch. Much to my surprise, by today (the big deletion day), only about 30 of my 216 or so friends had made sure to have my information. The rest are now history.
This is the beginning of a new life for me! Day 1
I am beginning this journey alone, all of my friends were sad to see me leave the social network, but I hope to end this journey with some company, some followers, something new.
Facebook addiction is a real thing! It may seem silly to you but for me, it is a major struggle!
I think the true addiction began when I stopped working and got married after becoming pregnant. Now, I just had to sit here and think for a minute to come up with that... You see, I worked a lot before I got pregnant. My last actual job was as an overnight stock person at BJ's wholesale club! I knew I was wearing myself thin at that job BUT usually I can push through that. Not this time. This time, I was falling asleep at work. I was falling asleep while stocking the shelves!! I don't ever remember being so fatigued in my life, I could barely keep my eyes opened a any time! Turns out, that was my first sign of pregnancy. A pregnancy, doctors told me would never happen due to scar tissue from problems in my childhood, so it really never crossed my mind. The only reason I took a test was because of the brand new box of tampons staring at me in my room from the month prior, and my small amount of hope that I never could figure out why it had lingered. Make sense? Sooo.. I quit my job because I knew I could not keep up there any longer. I ended up trying to work for McDonalds (what was I thinking? I wasn't lol). I think that lasted a couple weeks? It ended in a emotional breakdown in the bathroom and a falling out with a bitchy manager who was trying to screw me around about picking up my paycheck.
After that, the only job I could handle any longer was my weekend church nursery job (lots of time to be on Facebook now!). I worked there until 3 days before I gave birth to my son. He is 14 months old now and I have been a stay at home mom. I was with someone from 6 months pregnant to my son's 8 month of life mark. Married and everything, but it didn't work out. I ended up leaving my husband because he was unfaithful and I packed my bags and moved to Washington state, of all places, to start over. That my friends.. is a whole nother story. But while I was up there, I got on cash assistance and planned to have a good job by my sons first birthday. Well I moved back to Florida before that day, switched my cash assistance over, and started doing community service. I told myself I could do this, I could be a single mom, and I did it, I am still doing it!
Back to the topic... I used Facebook to connect with other moms during my pregnancy. I used it to make friends, and learn about what is going on inside me, and what will be going on when he was born. I also used it to have socialization while my husband was at work, school, or home ignoring me (after a while). That's also another story. I had stopped talking to not so positive influential "friends" I had in my life. I decided it would be better for my child if I didn't socialize with people who were wasting their lives doing drugs and partying. It would be better for me too because I was in that crowd before, my son saved me from that life.
So Facebooking became my life. I took care of my son and talked to people online, isolating myself from the world. Here is where the problem began.
People need interaction, face time, not brain mushing computer time. I don't think anyone realized just how much time I spent on Facebook up to today. How long has it been since I have hung out with friends who live close to me? How long had it been since I hung out with them and was NOT also on my phone checking Facebook during conversations or awkward silences? Truth is, I can't even remember. How bad of a sign is that?
The truth might hurt! But it is still the truth
This one is the hard part....
So a couple of days ago, I finally admitted to myself that I have a problem... I realized that I am not spending as much time with my son as I should be. I realized that it had been ages since I had gone outside for more than a half hour in a day so that my son could play in the sun and get dirty. I am pale, cranky, and tired all the time. I am lazy, stuck at a heavy for me weight of 168lbs. Just 6 pounds shy of my weight the day I gave birth! That was the heaviest I had ever been, both before having a baby and also being pregnant. I was 135 pounds and a size 6 (for two whole weeks) before I got pregnant. Well that diet was working till a fetus came in to play ;) All I was doing on Facebook was reading about other people's lives, helping other moms with information that I was knowledgeable about. I wasn't doing much living of my own life though! So I made a post to my friends letting them know that I would be deleting my account. I think I am the only person I know now who doesn't have an account, it makes me wonder how many others are addicted but don't know it yet. I told them that in a couple of days I would be deleting my account and in the meantime I would be giving those who want it, my info, to keep in touch. Much to my surprise, by today (the big deletion day), only about 30 of my 216 or so friends had made sure to have my information. The rest are now history.
This is the beginning of a new life for me! Day 1
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